Not this place

I have not felt this way before about this place and in this space. It is futile to ignore, but I have no protocol for understanding. I walked through those hallways, and the pictures of those people I desired were gone. Instead, I saw pictures of my colleagues, my classmates, my friends...my self. I sat on the roof of this place for a brief moment, and I saw. My place here is within these buildings, though they are small, difficult and underfunded. My assumptions about guidance are gone. I have lost all forms of role model--I am now my own. Those few I would have emulated have regrettably been destroyed in their attempts to defend rather than assume their ground. I sat above everything, and for a brief moment I saw, I understood, and I repented.
I needed vindication. And now, I have tagged that space which was essential. It is, finally, a part of me, though I tried to avoid it. I am here, and I can see the paths I have to flight. It will take effort, to be sure, but I am trying. I knew tonight on this roof that one day, one day soon, I will fly away.